By Tadashi Takaoka
Father, husband and entrepreneur
It sounds silly, but one of the things that stuck with me the most from college was a professor who said in class: “The day only has 24 hours. You probably already have them all occupied. Whatever new thing you want to do, you have to get something out, because it will always add up to 24.”
I recently became a father again: Akira is 9 months old today. He was born in the middle of a pandemic. We lock ourselves up for fear of him contracting the virus and I have seen every day of his growth. My wife Daniela has not only been an exemplary mother but also, she got so into the motherhood subject that she studied every detail of the new scientific advances in raising a baby.
The first thing I learned: It is impossible to be a parent present with the life we are living other than the pandemic. The hours do not give 24..
Raising a child as good as possible is not only an act of love, but it is an act of responsibility with society. Allowing the space to do it correctly is the best investment in public policies. Although there is no recipe, I think it is impossible to be a present parent if you are working 9 hours plus 2 hours’ ride. Being at home led me to understand that the caregiver mother versus the provider father is a fantasy. It's a job for two. Impossible one at a time. It's too much work, exploration, experimentation, and loss of patience, making anyone want to quit in a few hours.
The pre-pandemic model forces you to be a provider parent, present "when you can." And while working women suffer the same or worse, men historically are forgiven "because we are fighting for our careers." That model is broken. The pandemic gave us the opportunity to take a look at a new model, co-parenting, but for real. Clearing it after the pandemic would not only be a mistake, but it would be throwing away the biggest clue that we have been given in parenting: The hours do not give. Do you want a bright society for the future? Save hours of your life because your child needs to be part of those 24.
